Written by Eline Sanders, Specialisterne Denmark
For most people, December is associated with family traditions, holiday parties, and coziness. But for many neurodivergent individuals, the holiday season is often quite stressful.
But why?
December is often full of social events and disruptions to routine – and that is a huge drain on energy for a lot of neurodivergent people.
Here are a few ways in which you as a neurodivergent person can make the holiday season a lovely – and less stressful – time.
What makes it a good holiday season – for you?
The most important question is: what is a good holiday season for you?
December is often filled with traditions and social events. And that comes with a lot of expectations from family, friends, and the workplace. But the real question is: What feels nice for you, and what do you have the energy for?
Some people love everything about holidays: decorating, parties, and wearing festive clothes. For others, all the traditions may seem meaningless, overwhelming to the senses, or too demanding. Both approaches are perfectly okay.
What can you actually handle?
For example, your aunt always throws a big Holiday party on December 26th: you are expected to participate, as it is something your family always does. But when you check in with yourself, your social battery might have been drained from previous Holiday celebrations. Do you realistically have the energy for another big family gathering? If the answer is no, that is perfectly okay and understandable!
As a neurodivergent person, it’s often necessary to prioritize social events – very few of us can handle everything.
Be open with your family, friends, and workplace – if possible
It can be difficult to miss out on holiday parties in your family because it requires you to decline the invitation. Some families are understanding, and you can be frank about your reasons for declining.
However, some families might not be as understanding. In this case, it might be necessary to use a white lie to get out of the social obligation. A stomachache or the flu is an excuse most people can accept.
If your workplace’s social events are too overwhelming, it’s a good idea to have a chat about it with your manager or a close colleague. Together, you can find a good solution – and it signals that your decision not to participate is not due to a lack of interest in your workplace or colleagues.
Routine disruptions require extra energy – stick to the routines you can
The holiday season is filled with routine disruptions due to vacations and social events. If possible, try to maintain the routines that give you predictability. This could mean sticking to regular bedtimes, eating what you usually do, or not decorating your home.
That way, you create predictability in a month that has a lot of disruptions to your routine.
Plan relaxation and minimize demands
December is a busy month – if possible, plan ahead to make sure you have the time needed to relax and reload your social batteries. Consider your schedule with a critical eye: perhaps you have too many family obligations clustered around the 24th-27th of December – some of them have to go. It is a good idea to plan ahead and communicate this with your family, friends and workplace as soon as possible.
Similarly, it’s a good idea to anticipate what is expected of you, and whether it is realistic or not. For instance, having to buy gifts for the entire family can be a huge source of stress. If this, or other expectations are too much, bring it up with your family and friends ahead of time and agree on expectations and boundaries. For instance, you might work out solutions in which adults do not exchange gifts with each other. Or you might get very specific instructions on which gifts to give.
Respect your sensory needs
December offers a smorgasbord of potential sensory overload: decorations everywhere, Holiday food instead of usual dishes, and a lot of social events. Many neurodivergent people have sensory differences, and the intense sensory input can be an extra stressor in December.
If possible, be mindful of your sensory needs. You can use sensory aids such as earplugs or noise-canceling headphones at holiday parties, while shopping, at work, or during your child’s holiday event.
Having usual or typical dishes available at holiday events can be a lifesaver when everyone is eating traditional Holiday foods. Ask the host of the event if you can bring your own food. If that is not an option, it might be necessary to eat before arriving at the event or bring a discreet safe food like a protein bar. It is tough being a selective eater at social events – consider talking to someone you trust about your food needs. That way you can find a good solution together.
Be careful not to crash – and take care of yourself if you do. Your social battery might run out a lot faster – and that is ok! It might be perceived as rude if you leave earlier or withdraw. But it is often the best strategy to avoid crashing.
Use communication to avoid holiday stress
Whether it is skipping an event, eating different food, or leaving much earlier than others, communication with family, friends, and your workplace is key to avoiding conflicts or misunderstandings!
If you have aligned your needs with your friends, family and coworkers in advance, you will avoid many conflicts and misunderstandings – and that can free up a lot of energy and help prevent holiday stress.
We at Specialisterne hope you and your family have a very Happy Holiday and a Happy New Year – in a way that is just right for you.
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