As an autistic person, there are many things that confuse me about neurotypical social norms and expectations. While there are some I’ve come to understand with age and experience, others remain baffling. The one that puzzles me the most is the neurotypical view of and response to questions.
From what I understand of neurotypical social expectations, especially in the workforce, the question “Why?” is viewed as a challenge to authority. For autistic people, however, it is simply a request for more information.
Autistic People Ask Questions Like a Detective Looking for Clues
Regardless of neurotype, when someone is new to a job, they will have a lot of questions. However, autistic people will ask questions more often and, in more depth, than their neurotypical counterparts because multi-part questions serve a very specific purpose for the autistic brain.
Let’s say you’re explaining a new procedure to your autistic hire. Since many autistic people struggle to process verbal instructions, they will likely ask a lot of clarifying questions to aid their understanding. Although it may be irritating to be interrupted, understand that stopping to answer these questions is paramount to your new hire making sense of and being able to carry out the task you set for them.
For example, when I’m given verbal instructions, I assimilate only 25% of what I’ve heard. However, once I ask the first set of clarifying questions and receive clear, concise answers, I understand about 50%. Once I ask another set of clarifying questions, I’ll understand about 75%. I then continue asking clarifying questions until I understand the instructions 100%.
The more clarifying questions autistic people ask, the clearer the picture of what’s expected of us forms in our minds.
Understanding the ‘Why’ Helps Autistic People Understand the ‘How’
In my experience, one of the most disliked questions by neurotypical supervisors is “Why?”, as it is seen as disrespectful. A neurotypical person who is in a position of authority over the autistic employee may be insulted by this question thinking, “Wait. Who are you to question me? I have all the experience. You’re new! You should just listen.”
When an autistic person asks you a question, they are not questioning you as a person or as a professional. They are attempting to gain understanding. For many autistic people, understanding the ‘why’ of certain procedures and rules helps us make logical sense of them and create a mental map of the expectations and duties entrusted to us.
Oftentimes, without the ‘why’, it’s like there’s a large missing chunk of a puzzle, and we can’t see the whole picture, so we end up making mistakes that further frustrate our employers that could have been avoided if our questions had been answered in clear, concise detail.
Furthermore, the stress induced by being accused of being “rude” or “insubordinate” when asking questions diminishes our ability to learn the information you’re trying to present. I know from my own experience that when employers reacted to me in this way, I was too busy trying to puzzle out why they snapped at me to absorb any more information that day, so I missed a lot!
Autistic People Have a Different View of Social Hierarchy Than Neurotypicals
For many autistic people, there is no inherent difference between the CEO of a company and its janitor. This means we treat everyone the same regardless of “social status” because some of us aren’t even aware that there is a chain of command.
This could translate to an autistic employee emailing the Board of Directors with a question they couldn’t get the answer to from their boss. Again, this is not insubordination or an attempt to undermine anyone. If never faced with a situation like this before, they may have no idea that it’s considered inappropriate to “go over their boss’s head” when they need help.
They just want to keep their job.
More Helpful Accommodations to Help Aid Understanding
In addition to allowing your autistic employees to ask as many clarifying questions as they need to perform their job effectively, it’s also a good idea to allow them to take notes in a way that makes sense for them and to use visual aids whenever possible. Furthermore, chunking information (reducing the amount of information given at one time) can help a person who processes information more slowly better understand what’s expected of them and carry out their tasks effectively.
Autistic people are overwhelmingly unemployed and under-employed, and this often has a lot more to do with the differences in neurodivergent versus neurotypical communication than skill or ability. When you make accommodations, you help level the playing field and give autistic people access to job security and career success!
Jaime this is an excellent article and one I have struggled with in previous jobs before I knew ai am Autistic. The discussion you are starting to share our why and perspective is critical. Excellent article!
I am 34 and live with “it”.
As a child I have always just thought I was the weird one. Then going into adulthood, my very few friends were always much older than me.
I excel in my workplace but am daily made to feel useless by people facepalming when I ask questions as they call it “The wrong way”. Instead of asking a coworker “What time are you leaving”, I say ” are you going to be around this afternoon (Knowing that they are leaving early but not knowing the time)”
It is tormenting to deal with the sensory overload but then coworkers look at you like you are an idiot for not knowing what happened in a conversation between 2 people in the office (A conversation across the room that did not involve me).
In my personal life, those around me have come to understand why and how we do things and why but in the working work, from my experience, when you mention your “syndrome”, they see it as a negative thing and think you use it as a crutch or excuse. Because of this, very few people at work know of my diagnosis.
All the time saying that. I am the head Operations Manager for an Internet service provider doing all the scheduling, troubleshooting, organizing techs, stock, and senior support when the techs don’t come right. I would thing I have done well for myself, but somehow, people who dont understand the condition, can really make your day miserable.
The biggest thing that got me to where I am today is to learn, and pretend. I have found several movie characters that I like. Learn their personalities. What them over and over again. You will soon blend in. But this will not change anything in your head. From young, you need to know you are different, and there are many benefits that come with it.
I am 34 and live with “it”.
As a child I have always just thought I was the weird one. Then going into adulthood, my very few friends were always much older than me.
I excel in my workplace but am daily made to feel useless by people facepalming when I ask questions as they call it “The wrong way”. Instead of asking a coworker “What time are you leaving”, I say ” are you going to be around this afternoon (Knowing that they are leaving early but not knowing the time)”
It is tormenting to deal with the sensory overload but then coworkers look at you like you are an idiot for not knowing what happened in a conversation between 2 people in the office (A conversation across the room that did not involve me).
In my personal life, those around me have come to understand why and how we do things and why but in the working work, from my experience, when you mention your “syndrome”, they see it as a negative thing and think you use it as a crutch or excuse. Because of this, very few people at work know of my diagnosis.
All the time saying that. I am the head Operations Manager for an Internet service provider doing all the scheduling, troubleshooting, organizing techs, stock, and senior support when the techs don’t come right. I would thing I have done well for myself, but somehow, people who dont understand the condition, can really make your day miserable.
I am struggling with my work manager with this very things. He is aware of my accommodations and I thought he was totally on board but his behavior has been confusing as months are passing. We have a big structural change going on and it’s very unsettling. I have lots of questions and my manager seems to be holding several meetings encouraging us to ask questions but the last time that I did he asked me “why is that important?” and I said “I just want to know, I am curious”. But he seemed irked. I had also ended up chatting with my HR rep and the Disability Head about the re-org and feeling unsettled by it in general as I regularly catch up with them about how everything is going and my manager pulled me in for a 1:1 and seemed upset that I had reached out to so many people and it gave me the feeling I had gone over his head? Stressed and confused!
I had a boss once who told me that I asked too many questions. I was stunned. The concept of too many questions is ridiculous too me. To me, there can never be too many questions. I’ve tried to explain to people that my mind works like a computer or just simple logic like this: “If A then B. If B then C.” Etc. How can ever get to Z if I don’t ask “If A, B, C, etc”? So I get stuck at F (LOL). And one person in my personal life takes it as an affront if I ask questions. He thinks I don’t believe him. And he’s right. Until I get to the final answer that completes the puzzle. Then I’ll probably believe him. Or not. “If A, then B, but if C…” To me it’s kind of funny. Until it isn’t. Thank you!
One of the things I really struggle with in the workplace is not knowing what to do when I have asked the same question two or three times and am still receiving a fudged answer, (or one I have already noted and understood) but not the clarification I am seeking. ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I can’t answer that’ are acceptable responses, but a fudged/evasive answer makes me want to keep trying to get the information I need, whilst I’m aware this can lead to big problems such as being regarded as aggressive or challenging. As Lisa above says, it’s about logical consistency. eg
Boss ‘You have flexibility to work with people for more or less time than standard’
Me ‘That’s good. How long is standard?’
Boss ‘It depends on their vulnerability, we can be flexible.’
Me ‘What is the baseline if they are not vulnerable [+ example of uncertainty whether to use more time or not]’
Boss ‘It’s good to support independence and we have an allocation of hours per client’
Me ‘Yes, but WHAT IS THE ALLOCATION OF HOURS?!!’ (I haven’t asked again yet…)
For me, without any baseline, I am very anxious about compliance, I am caught between rushing and not providing a good service and worrying about taking too long. I completely understand there is flexibility, but I need to know the parameters! Seemingly no-one else finds this a concern, which perplexes me further. As a freelancer, I am currently managing the uncertainty through under-reporting my hours of work.